Now, far from me to back out of my fatherly duties – in fact, I like to think I get stuck in just as much as any doting father would do.
Except when it comes to nappies simply full of poo.
And when I have to get them dressed, because that takes serious effort.
But otherwise, I’m pretty hands on.
But not tonight – oh no. Allow me to explain. Monkey, bless her cottons, had declared in her usual tones “I need a poo”, followed by “I need to be nay-kid…” which in turn was followed by “Muuum can you come with me?” Since tonight it was pizza, beans and bits, it was assumed (correctly) I would manage in the kitchen (no chefs hat but I’m working on that) with Nuzzle and Scratch for company and MBW would keep the Monkey company in the bathroom.
As Nuzzle, Scratch and myself are discussing the deeds of the day (Nuzzle had managed to save a mouse from a trap), we hear “Why do some babies come out the Mummy’s bottom and some need to be chopped off out of your tummy?”
The kitchen fell silent, awaiting MBW’s response. “Because most babies are born from their Mummy’s – umm – Mini. But sometimes if baby gets stuck or if baby is very sick or Mummy is very sick the doctors can do an operation to get the baby out quickly.”
This seems to satisfy Curious Monkey and Scratch continues the discussion in the kitchen about the deeds of the day (she devised a new way to produce a renewable fuel source that wouldn’t destroy the planet) when we hear “But then there’s the thing that needs to be snipped, what’s that?”
Silence fell quickly as we listened for a response.
“When the baby is inside the Mummy, they are attached with a cord because it feeds them but when they come out they don’t need it any more.”
“Why don’t they need it anymore?” She asked.
“Because once they are out they drink milk.”
This has once again sated Monkey and our conversation in the kitchen moves focus towards my deeds of the day (I save… I mean, I worked out a way… I mean… ok, I had nothing) when we heard “So why does some babies drink from Mummy’s boobie and some drink milk from a bottle and not from the Mummy’s boobies?”
Monkey – three and three quarters and asking the slightly difficult ones… That is not the worst bit though, because as she got off the toilet I heard “I’ve got a little baby because I’m a little girl…”