This morning, I woke up very early. Then I woke again, which means I had fallen asleep without realising it. Then I woke to find Monkey scowling at me.
“Good morning Monkey” I said, because I am nothing if not courteous to the person who I discover kicking me in the arse from the other end of the bed most nights of the week.
“Daddy,” she said, “you have eaten the chocolate from the freezer.”
“Pardon?” I ask, a little bewildered.
Monkey points at the empty tub of Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough ice cream, the result of a nights passion between MBW and two men who seem to have joined our marriage. “That was my chocolate from the freezer and you have eaten it and I am not happy that you have eaten my chocolate.”
“Your chocolate? What do you mean?” I ask – it feels like the kid from the Haribo advert has manifested herself in my bedroom and is about to tell me to sign the ‘fession.
“I stayed in my bed all night and all day and I went to bed good and that was my chocolate.” She told me.
“I didn’t eat it though,” I protested.
“Well, Mummy didn’t because Mummy doesn’t like chocolate from the freezer.”
I gave up at this point. “I’m sorry?” I murmured, ready to go back to sleep.
“Good.” She said, laying down on me for a cuddle. “Scratch my back…”