A plan so cunning you could put a tail on it…

… And call it a fox.

Now, even though MBWs birthday is 6 months away, planning must still take place. As any intelligent halfwit (that’s me) will tell you, the devil is not just in the detail, but in the sentiment.

So, for your delectation, here is my scoring system of making a good present for my BFF (thats best friend forever, not BreastFeeding Friend. Two different things but same acronym, so its best to clarify.)

Initial confusion
Does she look at it weirdly? Does she ask “what do I do with it?” or “how does it work?” or “what do I put it in?”… These are all good setups to a terrific hallmark of…

Is she smiling? Is it a proper smile or forced? Look for gritted teeth, laughter or..

Is she crying? Does she look like she might need some Kleenex? Is Niagara Falls about to get some non-Victoria Falls competition?

Does she want to hug you? Does she want to strangle you? Don’t get confused by the two.

Finally – words
Is she lost for them? In fact, provided the words coming out of her mouth are not profanities linked with theatening behaviour, you’re home and dry.

Good job.

Of course, this cannot all apply to you. I know my AMW (Amazing, marvellous wife, not… Nevermind!) well enough, I hope, to pull this year off.

Although having written all this it does occur to me I might not live to see her birthday let alone make her gift. But as I wrote all this on my phone, she should understand I loathe to delete it after all the effort I put in…

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